For starters, I've been dealing with nausea since mid-December. Nope. Not pregnant. But comically fitting for the girl who is trying to suppress baby desires to get non-pregnant morning sickness. You can imagine the roller coaster of emotions I let myself ride with that. And here I am, almost through January, still nauseous, and what's more, odd abdominal pain for a couple days. Kidneys working hard in there maybe? And then, Are my eyes kind of yellow? Yes, yes they are. Maybe I've watched too much House, but liver failure isn't exactly something I'd love to push to the side. And so, to the Urgent Care I went.
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A few days ago, before any of the extra symptoms and fear-fight that came with, Joseph asked me "What do you think the Lord is trying to teach you through all this?"
Woa. Embarrassingly enough, I hadn't asked that yet. Would could he be trying to teach me? And like a light bulb:
Peace
I want to be a woman of peace. I want people to be attracted to me because of my calmness in the midst of crazy life, the ability to bring perspective in stressful times.
Before, I have been putting my faith in the strength of my faith, in my ability to muscle through, but to have this kind of steadiness, calmness, consistency, peace, I must put my faith in the unchanging character of God.
And somehow, a midst the craziness, I get it. He is enough. My test came back all very "unremarkable", which has it's sighs of relief. The realization that I paid a doctor a lot of money to draw blood, give me an IV, cover me in sticky jelly, and then tell me I am perfectly "unremarkable" is less frustrating when I remember that I don't want the attention in a hospital setting. Unremarkable to them is a blessing.
And if this nausea doesn't ever go away, I will still trust and believe in my unchanging Lord. I just might need to be reminded not to complain sometimes. ;)
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