17 week bumpdate and nursery reveal

You all, we made it through a very hard emotional week this week. 2 years ago on this week, we lost our baby Emily (we were 7 weeks so it is just a feeling it was a girl) over Easter. And this year I honestly didn’t think it would be as hard as last year (First anniversaries seem to be the worst) but with being pregnant, I have had to lay my fear of history repeating itself at the feet of Jesus daily. I have sat in our nursery, rocking this baby, praying strength and life and hope into this tiny person late into the nights and first thing in the mornings.

Parts of grieving miscarried babies are short lived, some things come in waves especially that first year as your roll through your intended due date and watch bellies grow that should have been parallel to your own. But there are also these out-of-the-blue, unexpected moments that take the wind out of you. 

There is also beauty, too, in the grieving. Like this painting. I have to share it because it brought me to ugly-cry tears thinking of meeting Jesus and then getting to meet our 3 children. That is a reunion I truly long for. Heaven is an even sweeter promise with my babies there.

And He has been so faithful to bring joy and peace as this week has gone on. We have walked through times of deep mourning, but this? This is a time for dancing. A time for joy. Our jubilant celebration year!

Size of the baby this week: A pomagranate this week :) 

Feeling: Heartburn- that’s a new one! It's not terrible, but I’m hoping it’s short lived. And nausea is coming more under control as I’ve drastically cut back on cardio exercise (that seems to be the trigger) 

Fitness: Cutting out the cardio for now is a little sad (I love my dance class!) but I’m walking and lifting and taking a yoga/Pilates fusion class. My body feels good and I’m even getting a little sore sometimes. 

Sleep:  I'm actually starting to wake up before my alarm and feel rested. Hallelujah! 

Best Moment Last Week: Getting to hear this sweet baby’s heartbeat again! Especially in light of this week of remembering, it was such a reassuring sound.  

Movement: I'm feeling baby move every day this week. It is SUCH a joy in the moments when I'm really still and quiet to feel them in there growing.

Cravings:  Super simple, but I've had a ham sandwich yesterday and today for lunch and it hit. the. spot!

Fashion: I am choosing to only wear what makes me feel pretty. Some days that's still pretty casual, but I'd rather feel cute than sloppy. Saying yes to a smaller but more confident maternity waredrobe. It's so freeing! 

How is Daddy and Evelyn?  Evelyn watching our Dr get the Doppler out to hear the heartbeat: “Why are you putting juice on my mommy? What is that clear jelly?” 😂 All the imaginary friends have babies in their tummies too. Such a fun time! 

Joe and I are having fun planning out summer camping a hiking trips as well as making landscaping plans for the front yard. We aren’t sure how finished it will get this year, but making it a priority after years of focusing hard on the inside feels really good! 

And about the nursery:
November 2016 I really felt the Lord prompting me to start creating the space for our baby. We were praying and believing for this child with everything we had. It felt like the practical application of faith and also a prophetic act of obedience. So I painted this mountain mural wall that month. Once we had Evelyn switched to her big girl bed in January 2017, we moved over the rest of the furniture and decorated. It has been an incredible place to pray in and to remember the words we felt God speak over this child, especially when my mind had started to doubt or forget. This is a baby that was promised over 2 years ago. It's incredible to know that a real little person, our miracle baby, will be sleeping in this crib in just a few short months!